Do the roles we play define who we are? Or is it who we are and our belief system that defines how we play our roles? In no particular order…
- I am a good daughter who helps to look after her aging father whenever he needs it. Mom passed away in 2016.
- I am still the annoying baby sister to my 3 siblings.
- I am a loving wife of 40+ years to the same wonderful man.
- I am a doting mother to 3 amazing children, all grown and out in the world.
- I am a doting grandmother to 3 amazing grandchildren, and I help where I can.
- I am a friend to a handful of amazingly devoted and supportive friends.
- I have aphantasia which is the inability to visualize.
- I am a mental health warrior having survived chronic depression, panic, anxiety, and excoriation disorders.
- I retired from the corporate world in 2018 and now pursue a calmer existence.
- I am a potter offering my creations at local markets and through commissions.
- As for my writing, I have published a few short stories, several articles, a novel (out-of-print), a children’s picture book (not yet in print), and… I’m a blogger.
So, who am I??
I am a strong, independent woman who believes in respect, honesty, and common decency. I believe there is a hero in all of us. I believe in kindness and compassion and the freedom to be whoever you want to be. I believe in following your dreams, success, failure, falling, and getting back up again. I believe in living in the moment and loving for a lifetime. I marvel at the glorious diversities in life; ethnicity, food, families, religion, sexual orientation, music, hair colour, paint colour, cars, wine, shoes… and so on. The list is endless.
Does any of this really define who I am? You bet it does!
I am simply me… an ordinary woman living an ordinary life gifted with extraordinary blessings.
My name is Liana… and in this blog, which I named Cascading Insights, I share my reflections and insights about aspects of my life.
Welcome! Pull up a chair and stay a while.
Cascading Insights 
Hello, so happy I came across this thread. In therapy since I was 21 years old 12/02/2024 – turning 70. My struggles very similar to yours, I mean with my mental illness.
Born in 1954 youngest of 6, the alcoholic/physical/ sexual abuse by my father was in place long before I came along. A mother in survival mode, loving kind beautiful mom, at 4 years old I witnessed my father choking my mother until she slid off the couch & hit the floor & didn’t move thank God she survived it. The abuse never stopped, until one night my mother took all of us across the road to hide in a field, because he was on his way home from work. In the late 50’s domestic violence wasn’t recognized as you know.
The New York State troopers in our kitchen after my mom suffered an awful beating became a regular occurrence.
Once my father pulled into that long long driveway, mom said “ ok kids let’s go for a walk!”I didn’t question her.
The trauma caused a numbness in me, as if I had no feelings, the fear of my father was so intense my brain I guess wasn’t working anymore, just Survival mode maybe. didn’t feel anymore fear, i didn’t feel any kind of emotion. I was just existing. Eventually I wasn’t hungry anymore, I’d sleep 48-72 hours on and off. My heart literally slowed down, I was weak & pale I was 5 or 6 by then, reason I know I was weak & pale cause I overheard the family doctor say that. My teeth were rotting I had awful painful toothaches, my mom would rub my back, that’s all she could do I guess. Anyways I heard a doctor telling my mother “my heart was very weak”
that’s not the end of my story, I can’t say anymore right now, cause it triggers me I go down the rabbit hole for days.
thank you LianaMScott.
it helps me to hear others stories.
I don’t feel so all alone anymore.
thank you
although with many years of therapy due to my sick brain, that shame is still in me.
I do not know what “ love” feels like
I just can’t feel it or believe it even my my adult children say “ love you mom”
the immediate response deep in me is “ no you don’t, u just tolerate me”
I do not say that to them
Although I been told by my 2 kids
” mom you are the most loving kind wonderful mom”
thank God
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Hello. I don’t know your name so cannot address you accordingly, which is fine. I’m glad that my experiences resonate with you. That’s why I write them, in the hopes that they reach people to let them know that they’re not alone. Similarly, your comment, and comments I get from others, help me understand that I am not alone either. It’s a vast world, with billions of people. And yet, we all seek connection and validation. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Take good care. Liana.
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