Anxiety, Aphantasia, Mental Health

Learning I Have Aphantasia Helped Ease My Anxiety

I have aphantasia, a neurodiversity whereby I am unable to visualize. Most of you reading this now can easily imagine a sunset or a calm lake or fluffy white clouds against a crisp, blue sky. I simply cannot conjure images. Having a blind imagination, as it’s sometimes called, used to trigger my anxiety insomuch as my inability to visualize used to cause frustration, anger, confusion, shame, and a feeling of failure. Continue reading on HealthyPlace.com.

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Aphantasia

Hypnopompia: Between Sleep and Awake – Where Someone with Aphantasia May “See” Imagery

My imagination is blind, meaning I can’t visualize. This neurodiversity is called aphantasia, and I was born with it. When I close my eyes and try to imagine something—an animal, a landscape, a person—all I see is black and grey and sometimes lava-lamp-like splotches of light purple and white. That’s the extent of my visual imagery.

But, on those rare occasions in the morning, between sleep and awake, when I’m conscious, but the images from my dreams float behind my eyes, that’s when I revel in what it must be like to “see” imagery.

Hypnopompia and Hypnagogia

I recently tweeted about this experience and was surprised to learn that this in-between sleep and awake state had a name: hypnopompia. In contrast, there is hypnagogia which is the state between awake and sleep.

According to Wikipedia:

The hypnopompic state (or hypnopompia) is the state of consciousness leading out of sleep, a term coined by the psychical researcher Frederic Myers. Its mirror is the hypnagogic state at sleep onset.

Wikipedia

Upon doing a little bit of research, I learned that what I am actually experiencing is called hypnopompic hallucinations. What? I’m hallucinating?

The Sleep Foundation website explains:

Hypnopompic hallucinations are hallucinations that occur in the morning as you’re waking up . . . For most people, hypnopompic hallucinations are considered normal and are not cause for concern.

Ryan, T. (2021, June 23). What Are Hypnopompic Hallucinations? Sleep Foundation. https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/hypnopompic-hallucinations

Needless to say, I was relieved to read that: “not cause for concern.” Still, way to burst my bubble, internet.

What Having Aphantasia is Like

Having a blind imagination has never stopped me from achieving. For instance:

  • I got good grades in school. However, math and science were definitely not my strong suit. Arts and literary courses were my bag.
  • In my past corporate lives, I was a computer programmer, a support analyst, a project manager, a website developer, and a communications consultant.
  • I’m highly organized.
  • I read a lot of fiction, which astounds some people who learn I have aphantasia: “How can you follow the story if you can’t imagine the story as it unfolds?” The answer? I follow the story just fine. But I skim over long descriptions of people, places, and things, and concentrate on dialog, relationships, feelings, etc.
  • I wrote a mystery novel which, again, begged the question—”But how?” Simply put, the story unfolded as my mind played it out. I know what a car chase looks and sounds like, for instance. I can write about it without visualizing how it looks. It’s the difference between seeing it in your imagination and perceiving it.
  • Recently, I wrote a children’s book about aphantasia.
  • I do pottery.

Having aphantasia doesn’t preclude me from being smart or creative. But having aphantasia is frustrating sometimes.

  • I would appreciate a stronger ability to work with numbers and multidimensional concepts.
  • My sense of direction sucks. Thankfully, there’s GPS.
  • I wish the memory of my favorite places and events were accompanied by vivid mental images that I could relive at will. Photos and video help a lot in this regard.
  • Hypnosis and meditation would be a lot easier. For some, it’s impossible.
  • I would love to be able to close my eyes and picture the faces of my kids and grandkids on demand.

Where Aphantasia and Hypnopompia Cross Paths

Would I “cure” my blind imagination if I had the chance? First of all, aphantasia is not an illness or disease that demands a cure. But, if there was an opportunity to achieve vivid imagery, like many aphantasics, my response is: only if I could turn it on and off. The thought of having sudden, permanent imagery is overwhelming.

Until then, I will bask in the hypnopompic hallucinations that allow me to see images of my sweet mother, who passed in 2016… if only for a few brief, magical moments.

Feature image by Jr Korpa on Unsplash.

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Aphantasia

Is Aphantasia Hereditary?

My pursuit to answer the question—is aphantasia hereditary?— was preceded by the discovery that I have aphantasia. I had never heard of it before. My inability to visualize—aphantasia… also known as image-free imagination—had a name! Fascinated, I immediately took to Google to search:

If you clicked the link on the history of aphantasia, you read that the term “aphantasia” was coined in 2015 by Dr. Adam Zeman, a neurologist from Exeter University.

Emerging Evidence of Aphantasia in Families

In a video interview with Dr. Zeman in May 2021, when asked if aphantasia is hereditary, he states, “We do have evidence that aphantasia is familial,” referencing a study he collaborated on in 2020. Dr. Zeman said, “If you have aphantasia, the chances that your first-degree relatives will have aphantasia are raised by about 10-fold. ” 

He mentions the likelihood of a “genetic story” as studies continue into the genes that influence imagery vividness and whether or not aphantasia is hereditary, adding, “The chances are that there will be some [genes specific to aphantasia]—though we haven’t yet found them.” Play the short video below to hear from Dr. Zeman directly.

With the understanding that scientific research is underway to find the genes associated with aphantasia, but that results may take a while, it was time for me to do some research within my own family tree to appease my curiosity about whether or not aphantasia could be genetic.

Families with Aphantasia

Parents with Aphantasia

I have one living parent, my father, who is 91. Keeping it simple, I first asked him if he could picture a red apple in his mind, on command. He paused, thought about it, and said that he couldn’t. I asked if he could perhaps see the shape of the apple, without color. He could not. I asked him to close his eyes and try the exercise again. We tried an apple, a rainbow, and a horse. He stated that all he could see was darkness. Like me, my dad is aphantasic. 

As for my mother, who passed in 2016, I believe that she too was aphantasic. Allow me to explain. 

Mom suffered cruel and terrifying circumstances during World War II, not the least of which was her escape from a Russian prisoner of war camp. As harrowing as her early life was, Mom didn’t have nightmares or flashbacks, and always seemed quite calm when remembering her ordeals. She recounted everything in great detail, painting the pictures of her recollections with language, rather than from a place of traumatic visual memory. Despite what my mother endured and survived, she never showed any symptoms of PTSD. 

PTSD and Aphantasia

I did some research and found emerging studies pertaining to PTSD in people with aphantasia. In this June 2020 research paper; A cognitive profile of multi-sensory imagery, memory and dreaming in aphantasia, the researchers “hypothesized that visual imagery absence might partially protect aphantasic individuals from experiencing some [PTSD] trauma symptomatology (such as vivid memory intrusions) in response to stressful past events. ” Click the short video below for Dr. Zeman’s perspective on PTSD and people with aphantasia. 

My research also led me to two anecdotal articles: What PTSD Flashbacks Are Like as Someone With Aphantasia and PTSD, and Aphantasia – coming to terms with my own experience of post-traumatic stress disorder. Each of these stories presents a unique set of PTSD symptoms, neither of which even remotely describe my mother.

While it’s not a hard-and-fast rule that people who suffer the horrifying conditions my mother did would absolutely have PTSD, I think it’s plausible that she was perhaps a “partially protected aphantasic”. 

Siblings with Aphantasia

My three older siblings and I are tight. We connect through Whatsapp several times a week, we live within a 45-minute driving radius, and we enjoy hanging out together, COVID notwithstanding. I feel as though I know each of them from a very unique perspective—that of the baby sister. 

During a recent sibling video call, before explaining what aphantasia was, I asked them, “Can you visualize?” Three faces stared back at me from my computer screen. Appreciative of their tolerance (‘cuz they love me and my crazy convo digressions), I continued. “Picture a red apple,” I said, “what do you see?” To my surprise, they all responded with something akin to—“I can’t see shit.” I told them about aphantasia and we collectively experimented with eyes open, then eyes closed. Nothing.

To my utter surprise (after all, I’m supposed to be tight with these weirdos), all four of us are aphantasic. Seems plausible given my dad is aphantasic, and lends further credence to the speculation that my mom was, too. 

As any good writer (and annoying baby sister) might do, I asked if I could interview them individually, to get their take on how aphantasia may have/has impacted their lives, in both cognizant and subliminal ways. In that same tolerant (and always very loving) way, they all agreed. 

Learning I Have Aphantasia

To put my siblings’ responses into context, I should first explain how I felt (in the past) about being unable to visualize and how I reacted to learning about aphantasia. 

My inability to visualize came with a variety of emotions ranging from confusion and frustration (cognizant) to feelings of inadequacy, failure, shame, and even exclusion (subliminal). You can read my other posts about aphantasia here.

is aphantasia hereditary

Finding out that my life-long (congenital) challenge with visualization had a name—aphantasia—and that it was the focus of a burgeoning field of scientific study, fascinated me. More importantly, it immediately lifted from me the burden of those (seemingly illogical) emotions. In a word, I was elated! I didn’t have to struggle anymore. There was nothing wrong with me—is nothing wrong with me. Those things I couldn’t do that seemingly everyone else around me could do had finally been explained.

I had flashes of insights (I call them a-ha moments) into myself and my experiences where having aphantasia explained so much. Understand, though, that perspectives vary among aphantasics. For me, I was off the hook. I didn’t have to try anymore. Rather, I spent time exploring new ways to adapt, and appreciating the ways I had already (unknowingly) been doing just that.

(Follow these links to read about my experiences with meditation and hypnosis with aphantasia). 

Siblings with Aphantasia – Similarities and Difference

In preparation for interviewing my siblings to discover if aphantasia is hereditary, I crafted three questions that I shared with them in advance. 

  1. What was your reaction when you learned about, and that you have, aphantasia?
  2. How do you feel it has impacted your life, if at all?
  3. Have you had any revelations (a-ha moments) since you learned about aphantasia?

I asked that they really think about the implications of having aphantasia when formulating an answer. Here is a summary of their responses in the order of how they were interviewed. I’ve included myself to demonstrate the complexity of perspectives. 

Study Findings

ReactionsImpactsRevelations
MeAt first—fascinated, excited. Later—elated. Before finding out—Never wanted to admit couldn’t do it. Felt shame, frustration, exclusion. After finding out—relieved. A better understanding of aspects of self. Loves to read/write; skips over long descriptions of scenery, wardrobe, etc.; can’t remember the story long after finishing. Writes fiction and non-fiction. Tried hypnosis; didn’t work until after learning about aphantasia. Bad at numbers and memorization. Partner is hyperphantasic. 
Sibling 1At first—amused (what’s the big deal?)Later—upset, angry, sense of loss. Before finding out—None; didn’t think anything was wrong. After finding out—lowered self-confidence. Preferred not to know. Rarely reads books. Tried hypnosis; never worked/helped. Can draw; wonders where that ability comes from. Good at math, detailed work though retention after the fact lacking. Partner is hyperphantasic. 
Sibling 2At first—found it interesting. Later—indifferent (meh, whatever). None before or after finding out. It’s like having different hair/eye color. No biggie. Rarely reads books. Tried hypnosis once; may have helped—doesn’t remember. Doesn’t get too worked up/excited about things. Uses inner dialogue to “imagine”. Remembers dates/times very well. Partner is hyperphantasic. 
Sibling 3At first—wow. Later—interesting, thoughtful. Before finding out—Never wanted to admit couldn’t do it. Felt something was wrong. After finding out—better understanding of aspects of self. Filled in some blanks. Loves to read; skips over long descriptions of scenery, wardrobe, etc. ; can’t remember the story long after finishing. Couldn’t do hypnosis. Terrible at memorization. No ability to draw/write. Good with picking up spoken languages. Partner also aphantasic. 

Reactions to Aphantasia Greatly Differ

I excitedly shared my discovery of aphantasia with my siblings thinking that they would be just as eager to examine their uniqueness through the lens of aphantasia as I was/am. In my haste, I inadvertently bulldozed right over Sibling 1’s self-esteem, leaving some psychological unrest in my wake. In direct contrast was Sibling 2 who was rather indifferent and unfazed (almost bored) by it all. After interviewing those two—diametrically opposed in their reactions—I was rather apprehensive about interviewing Sibling 3 who, as it turned out, reacted similarly to myself. 

Summary of Revelations

As for the revelations, it was interesting to see the similarities and differences between us. It certainly demonstrated strong similarities giving credence to the assumption that aphantasia is hereditary.

  • Hypnosis, for instance. We’ve all tried it with little to no success, a well-known complaint among aphantasics.
  • With regards to memorization skills, we range from “just ok” to abysmal.
  • Two of us have some artistic/creative capability (drawing and writing) whereas the other two are self-professed to be very low on this measure.
  • Two of us love to read but avoid superfluous detail, and are similarly unable to retain the details of the stories we’ve read beyond the fact that we enjoyed them. Begs the question—how then, do we even remember that we did enjoy them? The other two seem completely disinterested in reading long-form anything, though can and do when required.
  • We each possess a skill unique to ourselves; being good with numbers (Sibling 1), remembering dates and times (Sibling 2), picking up spoken languages (Sibling 3), writing fiction (me).
  • A last (and very interesting to me) item noted was this; three out of four of us are partnered with hyperphantasics (people with extremely vivid mental imagery). I wonder what that could mean? Perhaps aphantasia has given a whole new meaning to this idea that “opposites attract”? 

Final Thoughts – So Is Aphantasia Hereditary?

The diversity of our perspectives upon learning the term aphantasia, how each of us reacted to being aphantasic, and how we each perceived it has impacted our lives, really surprised me. We (all) share the familial neurodiversity called aphantasia but each of us has adapted to its limitations (cognizant and subliminal). We rely on and hone the talents we have and develop strategies to overcome that which doesn’t immediately fall in our wheelhouse. Our reactions, impacts, and revelations, it would seem, are as complex as the [spectrum of] aphantasia itself.

My conclusion—though obviously not a scientific one—is that (congenital) aphantasia seems to be genetic—at least, partially. I eagerly await what science has to say on whether or not aphantasia is hereditary.

Feature image by Sangharsh Lohakare on Unsplash.

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Aphantasia, Meditation

Meditation and Aphantasia

Close your eyes and visualize…

Seems super simple, right? A five-word instruction that, for most of the population, is easy to follow. Whether it’s for guided meditation, hypnosis, psychotherapy, yoga, classroom study, team-building exercises, self-help practices, elite sport/career mental coaching, childbirth coaching, etc., being asked to visualize is almost always at the top of the list for getting into the mood, spirit, zone, or state-of-being. Continue reading about meditation and aphantasia on Aphantasia.com.

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